By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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