you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
