Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
