I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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