Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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