why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
