Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
