whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
