Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
