that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize