Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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