My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
