I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize