You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
