i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
