Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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