I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So vagazzling was a success
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
