I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
