if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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