I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
