So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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