I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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