Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
