do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So much rum. So many feels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
