New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
