Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
