Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
