Nicole vs. Life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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