my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
