Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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