hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
