coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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