it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
