I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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