I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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