that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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