I look better un-naked...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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