Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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