Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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