He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
