I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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