I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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