I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
