I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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