I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
