Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
