Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
