I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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