she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
