Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
