Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
