You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You were trust falling into bushes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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