I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
