I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
