What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
