Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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