Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
