i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
