Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
