I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
