After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did i walk over a car last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
