So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
