very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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