Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
