Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
