I wish my penis had an off switch
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize